Attachment is not only important in adult relationships; it also forms the basis of a child’s emotional development.
There’s an unending debate about what weighs more in a person’s development. Is it nature or nurture?
Basically, the argument questions the profound influence of genetics and upbringing on one’s development. Even experts are divided on the matter, but the middle ground says it’s both.
As a parent, you are well-positioned in laying the pillars for your children’s physical, emotional, and social development. Your words and actions during their development will heavily impact their attachment style.
The key to developing your children’s secure attachment involves being responsive to their physical, emotional, and social needs. You and your partner should allocate sufficient time to bond with them and make lasting memories together.
In addition, both of you should be attuned to your children’s feelings while offering them comfort, help, and validation whenever the situation calls for them. Trust, physical affection, and positive interactions also form the foundational support toward their progress.
Consistency and predictability through established routines and reliable support systems give them a sense of security in your care and mere presence.
Your attachment style can reflect in the way you treat your children or answer their needs. A parent with an anxious or avoidant attachment style can lead to dismissive, detached, or unemphatic responses to a child’s physiological and psychological needs.
Be sure to break away from negativity or toxicity that could perpetuate negative attachment cycles for your children. Always aim for a secure attachment style in your interactions with your children to ensure their well-being and build a strong base for their growth.
In times when you need to discipline your children, always keep your composure and calmness. In this manner, you can constructively explain to them their mistakes and help them understand why you or others consider their behavior or response toward a particular situation generally unacceptable.
Keep your communication lines open by actively listening to their reason while fostering an air of respect on both your ends. Together, you can make compromises or provide possible alternatives for resolving conflicts.
The concept of “bids for connection” stemmed from Dr. John Gottman’s “Love Lab” research from the late 1980s to early 1990s. The American psychologist coined the term to refer to how partners positively acknowledge and reciprocate each other’s attempts at engagement. It could be verbal or physical.
For children, their bids for connection may manifest in their attempts to gain your attention through their requests, compliments, or achievements. Your positive reaction and answer to them are a great way to make your children feel appreciated, validated, and emotionally secured or connected.
Gotman believes each positive action toward a bid for connection is an investment in a child’s “Emotional Bank Account.”
Reciprocal and collaborative communications are the basis of children’s secure attachment with their parents. Being attentive and emphatic in your engagements with your children are essential factors in nurturing a safe space where they can freely express their feelings. All these are vital in their psychological, emotional, and social formation.
The Secure Attached content is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Our website should not be considered a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment.